Starcrossed Losers
by cluelessclown
Summary: "St. Jude, the patron of the lost causes / St. Jude, we were lost before she started / St. Jude, we lay in bed as she whipped / St. Jude, maybe I've always been more comfortable in chaos". Lily and James through the years, every October 28th from 1971 to 1981.
1. 1971

**october 28th, 1971**

 _i've got a plan, you know, i've got it all worked out  
and all you've got to do is pack your bags and check your doubts_  
 _you come around and you will see just what i am_  
 _a true love through the worst of times, a true love till the end_

beginner's luck - eels

* * *

"Did you see, Lily? Today's St. Jude's Day."

"Saint what?"

"St. Jude's, Marlene. Patron Saint of Hope."

"What's a Patron Saint? Is it a Muggle tea brand?"

"Jolly, McKinnon, I can't believe you're a Half-blood sometimes."

A fit of giggles follows the five Gryffindor first-year girls as they make their way to the Charms classroom. Lily Evans still hasn't quite wrapped her head around the fact that she's now friends with people who are blissfully unaware of what daily life in the Muggle world feels like. One of her friends, Mary MacDonald, is a Muggle-born too, but the other three — Marlene McKinnon, Dorcas Meadowes and Emmeline Vance — were all brought up in wizarding households and are constantly pestering both of them with the most ridiculous questions, such as how Muggles get their laundry done — _how do they do all that cleaning up without getting wet, though?_ — or what their schools are like, what do they learn and how on Earth do sports work without brooms. Granted, Lily does feel a little bit like the odd one out when her friends start discussing Quidditch teams and Wizarding bands that she's never heard about — but she does feel proud of her own heritage and the fact that, in spite of everything, she's landed herself at one of the most prestigious Wizarding schools in the world, if only because she accidentally broke her mother's new silverware in a fit of rage without even touching it back when she was nine.

"All right, so," she sighs, placing a hand on Marlene's shoulder. "You know Muggles believe in something called God, right? And that there's different kinds of interpretations on how this God fellow works his way around the world. There's Catholics, Muslims, Jews, the Anglican Church . . . which is my family's church, and also Mary's." Marlene nods slowly, timidly followed by Emmeline and Dorcas. "So, you might also know that God, at least for people who define themselves as Christian, had a son named Jesus. And Jesus had a small gang of friends who helped him get around and wrote down his achievements and predicaments, so when God died and they died too the Christian Church made them Saints, and also Patrons of certain aspects of life. St. Jude, for instance, is the Patron Saint of Hope, which means people pray to him when they feel lost or confused, whereas St. Peter is the Patron Saint of Fishermen, St. James is Patron Saint of Pilgrims and . . . "

"Oi, Evans, did you just call my name?"

Lily's brow furrows. She needn't turn around to recognize the voice that called out her surname a moment ago — its cheeky tone and the amused giggles that followed it are all that it takes for her to realize that James Potter has been eavesdropping on her and her friends for the past few minutes. James and Lily have only known each other for a few weeks, but she already has a very strong opinion on him — and it isn't a positive one, not at all. Even as an eleven-year-old, she finds his humour distasteful and his antics annoying — she hates how he and his friends lounge around the Gryffindor common room as though they owned the place when they are, in fact, the youngest students in it. He seems to have become best friends with a shaggy-haired boy by the name of Sirius Black, whose face usually turns up into a cheeky grin as soon as Lily and her friends catch sight of him, and a quieter boy called Remus Lupin, with whom Lily has a more cordial relationship ever since they were partnered up by Professor Slughorn and she discovered that, unlike his two friends, Remus was actually a quite sensible and thoughtful boy. They're usually followed around by a tiny, mousy-haired boy who never says much but seems to genuinely admire the other three boys — in all honestly, Lily has no reason to dislike him, but the fact that he had chosen to hang out with Potter and Black is enough for her to question his integrity.

"As a matter of fact, I did not, Potter," she shakes her head, her lips slightly pursed. "I was just talking to my friends and, apparently, you and your little _gang_ just decided to eavesdrop on someone else's conversation. Don't you Pureblood children get taught any manners?"

"But I heard you say my name, Lily," he insists, a broad smile on his face. Lily notices how his hazel eyes seem to gleam a little brighter at the sight of her, which makes her feel even more irritated. "D'you wanna join our Exploding Snap game tonight? Is that it? Well, I for one would let you be my partner, if you insist. We could beat Sirius's arse, let me tell you."

"Like hell you would," chuckles Sirius, shaking his head and placing an arm around Remus's taller and lankier shoulders. "If you get Evans, I'm getting Lupin here to be my Exploding Snap mate. I'm chucking every single book out of his sight until we beat your arses. And let me tell you, we're the best Exploding Snap partners around here — aren't we, Rem?"

"Uh," Remus says uncomfortably, his eyes shifting at the sight of Dorcas Meadowes and Emmeline Vance giggling softly at the boys's playful attitude. "We're gonna be late to class, y'know."

"Yes," Lily says carefully, her expression still clearly unfriendly towards the three of them. "We're going to be late. We should — we should just go. And you three should listen to Remus here more often, I believe."

"All right, but you still haven't told me why you called my name a minute ago," James teases, the corners of his mouth crinkling into one of those grins that Lily absolutely _loathes_. "I'm just saying — you _can_ hang out with us if you want, you don't have to be so secretive about it."

She snorts and shakes her head. "Could you please _stop_ acting like the world revolves around you, Potter?" And with that, she tugs Mary MacDonald's robe and tilts her head. "Come _on_ , let's go."

Mary, who isn't all too fond of their fellow Gryffindor first-years either, nods quietly and follows Lily. Marlene rolls her eyes and huffs at Sirius and Remus before following her friends, and so do Dorcas and Emmeline after flashing an apologetical smile at the boys. The four eleven-year-olds watch as the five girls strut into the Charms classroom together, and James can't help but smile when he notices how Mary flashes a glance back at him while Lily whispers something to her. They're probably just complaining about how annoying he is — but the truth is that James loves the idea of Lily Evans talking about him, even if it's only in annoyed groans and whispered complaints to her friends. He has always been one of those truly charming boys who could become friends with anyone he wanted, and he can't quite understand why Lily doesn't want to hang out with him and his friends . . . but he is determined to make her _like_ them, sooner or later. She's already friendly with Remus — how had he managed such a feat was a mystery to both Sirius and James — and she just seems to ignore Peter, so he is quite confident that she will end up being his Exploding Snap partner by the end of the year. She better, he thought quietly, because he's tired of losing to Sirius and Peter all the time.

"We'd better go," Remus says finally, patting James's shoulder in a friendly manner. "She's really nice, James, and one of the smartest girls in our year. She just doesn't like loud people, I guess."

"Loud people," he echoes thoughtfully. He glances at Sirius and asks, "Are we loud?" When his friend shrugs, implying that he doesn't really care what Lily Evans thinks about them, James furrows his brow and eventually shrugs too. "I don't think we're loud. People just . . . like us, I guess."

"Of course they do," Peter's chuckle comes off as slightly annoying, but he quickly adds, "I mean, maybe Evans is just jealous because she isn't that popular. She only ever hangs out with those friends of her, the other Gryffindor girls, and they can't be that fun if all they do is study and _read_. For _fun_."

James just huffs and tilts his head towards the Charms classroom. "Come on, Remus is right. We should get going." He grins at Sirius's wince, knowing that he had been hoping to give Flitwick's class a miss and go have fun by the lake until lunch. "Don't worry, pal, we'll have loads of free time this afternoon."

And so the four boys head off to class, James still lost in thought about Lily Evans. He genuinely wants her to _like_ him, not in a romantic way — that would have been disgusting to an eleven-year-old James, who only tolerated mild exhibitions of affection between his parents and still rolled his eyes when he saw couples hanging around the lake or shooting loving glances at each other across the Great Hall — but simply in a friendly, innocent way. Deep down, one could say it even _hurt_ him to be unable to call Lily his friend. Call it pride, call it a consequence of having been pampered and spoiled by his liberal but still well-off parents — but the thing was that James Potter had never come across anything he could not have until he met Lily Evans and, after goofing around her for a bit, the girl decided that he was not worthy of her friendship. Sure, nearly everyone in Gryffindor and in their year likes him and his friends, and so do his teachers and their Quidditch trainer, who claims he has the potential of an exceptional Seeker . . . but is it worth it if the one girl he _really_ and _absolutely_ wants to be friends with cannot stand him?

And, of course, being the hothead that he is, James Potter feels absolutely determined to change Lily Evans's mind about him. Even if it takes a lot of pestering and being a little less loud, he guesses.

* * *

 **all right, so – this is a little experiment that i wanted to carry out, given that i haven't been publishing new stuff here for, like, _ages_ now. i was watching _one day_ the other day and idk why but i suddenly thought of how interesting it would be to write something similar to it with james and lily, spanning from their first year at hogwarts to, well, their untimely deaths. so yeah, i picked a day that seemed fitting — i'm not religious, so i just sort of had to look it up, oops — and found out that october 28th is st. jude's day, and he's the saint patron of hope, so yep, i just picked that one. my idea is to write a chapter set in october 28th of each year from 1971 to 1981 so as to explore how their relationship evolved from lily's dislike of james's attitude to a budding romance and the cute couple we all love and mourn and yaddah yaddah yaddah . . . so yes, that's pretty much it for now! hope you enjoyed it, please let me know what you think via review! chapter two should be up soon as i'm on spring break right now and i can't fathom anything better to spend my time on than writing more jily-related stuff.**

 **-cluelessclown.**


	2. 1972

**october 28th, 1972**

 _colour my life with the chaos of trouble  
_ _'cause anything's better than posh isolation  
i missed the bus  
you were laid on your back  
with the boy with the arab strap_

the boy with the arab strap - belle & sebastian

* * *

"No. _No_. For Merlin's sake, Marlene, please tell me Slughorn isn't serious."

"I'm afraid he is, sweetheart."

Lily groans quietly as the group of second years shuffle into the Potions classroom. The Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs usually get along really well, and out of all her classes this was probably the last one in which she thought she would have to deal with being partners with _James Potter_. After all, she was one of Slughorn's favourite students, and he had spent the previous school year frowning upon James and Sirius's attitude in his class – their marks were good and they were skilled enough to prepare a decent potion in a heartbeat, sure, but they were quite a handful to take care of, and they pretty much spent their first year at Hogwarts trying to make their Potions experiments go as awry as possible. Lily can't help but feel relieved that Severus isn't in her class, because he would most certainly find their behaviour absolutely inadequate, their cheeky smiles and flaunting attitude never wearing off in spite of Slughorn's reprimands. Not that Severus doesn't feel uneasy about them already, of course. Potter has taken a liking to pestering her only Slytherin friend, perhaps in an attempt to catch Lily's attention — which obviously has made the girl's already low opinion on him worsen. Severus, a lanky, small twelve-year-old, isn't as skilled or as strong as the other two, and Lily has wound up defending him in front of the entire Great Hall in several occasions. Her Gryffindor friends don't like him that much either, but Lily feels as though they would never understand the bond she shares with Severus — he was her first link to the Wizarding world, the one who had shown her how truly special she was. Not that she felt superior to her parents or her sister Petunia, but she still smiles upon remembering those days they spent together back in Cokeworth, before school began.

"Yes! I got paired up with Remus." says Sirius with a broad grin. "I'm getting top marks this year, ha!"

"Well, I'll definitely do my best," Remus's words come in a low voice, but followed by a kind smile. "Where _is_ James, anyway? He's going to be over the moon about this."

"Uh, I think he said he wanted to talk to Professor Dumbledore before class or something," Peter shrugs and scans the class for his partner, an outgoing Hufflepuff by the name of Jonah Abbott. "Oh, well, there's Jonah. I should go!"

Emmeline and Mary, who have been assigned as partners by Slughorn too, also take a seat behind Peter and Jonah, and Marlene and Dorcas are chatting with their partners a few feet away from her. Lily shuffles uncomfortably, not entirely sure of what to do — after all, she does not want to be James Potter's one-way ticket to an Outstanding in Potions, but she _does_ want to score a good mark for herself. She bites her lip and ultimately sits down beside an empty stool, hoping that Potter won't arrive until Slughorn's class begins. That, hopefully, will spare her from having to bear with the annoying tendency he has to share his thoughts out loud as soon as they cross his mind.

Fortunately enough, he doesn't arrive until the class has begun. The knot of his tie is bent to the side and he looks slightly disheveled, but Lily has grown used to his approach to what Sirius referred to once as a "casual look". James might only be twelve, but he is starting to become one of those boys that Petunia swoons over and that Lily has never quite grown to like — a boy whose only aim is to _show off_ , that is.

She watches how his brow knits in confusion when he realizes that two of his friends are already sitting together, while the other one his sharing his desk with a Hufflepuff boy they've never really hung out with before, and she can't help but chuckle when he asks, still looking slightly confused, "Professor Slughorn, I'm — sorry I'm late, but where may I sit?"

"Oh, Potter," Slughorn says distractedly, as he had been busy organizing his herbs until the boy had raised his voice. "Next to your partner, I reckon — I believe yours was Miss Evans, if I am not mistaken. In case you weren't here earlier, I decided to arrange who your partners will be from now on, given the, er, disperse nature of some students' attention in class when working with their friends."

James Potter's eyes gleam at the news, and Lily can't help but roll her eyes. "Of course! Thank you, Professor." And with that, James slumps onto the stool next to her and offers her a broad grin. "This is going to be an exciting year, right, Lily?"

She huffs and shakes her head. "Sod off, Potter."

"Oi, Evans! Where are your manners?" He chuckles, which only makes Lily feel more distressed. "Just so you know, I can act all goody-two-shoes too. If that's what suits you, that is."

" _Please_ ," she whispers in return, visibly annoyed by the way things were going. "I just need you to be civil for an hour, three days a week, and above everything _don't ruin my school average_. Not all of us have rich parents who can get us nice, well-paid jobs after school."

James frowns, visibly hurt by her words, but Lily's annoyance at the boy's attitude makes it impossible for her to feel guilty for what she has said. She knows James isn't a _terrible_ boy, but she can't stand his entitled, brattish attitude and how he practically bullies Severus on a daily basis. Granted, he's not one of those Slytherin boys who spend days on end toying with the Dark Arts and defending blood purity, but he is still the most annoying twelve-year-old she has ever come across with.

"All right, I think we're all set now," Slughorn announces a little later. With a flick of his wand, the herbs he had been arranging until a few seconds ago trot their way towards the students' desks, a fair amount of them landing on Lily's and James's. "You shall find the instructions for your first assignment on page twelve. The first pair to get it right will get a reward of twenty points for their House!"

"Uh, Professor, what if each of us belongs to a different House?" Jonah Abbott's eyebrows rise in a questioning manner.

"Well . . . " Slughorn seems to ponder Jonah's question for a second, then shrugs. "I shall give ten points to each House. Does that seem fair?"

The few pairings made of both Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors seem to agree on Slughorn's terms, so they all get to work in a matter of seconds. Lily eyes James, who is simply staring at one of Slughorn's plants distractedly, and sighs as she turns to page twelve and starts getting the ingredients ready, rolling her sleeves back and chopping a few roots with her wand, only to place them inside her tin cauldron a few moments later. She still eyes James from time to time — she can't help but feel annoyed by his passiveness, but she didn't want to cause a scene in front of their Professor and classmates. She just keeps working until she finds herself stuck in step number eight — because the dittany leaves are supposed to change to a bright red after being charmed, but they're still lying there in their original mushy green tone, and Lily _really_ cannot figure out why.

"Uh — Potter — " she mumbles, unsure of what to say. Her pride is telling her not to ask him, but she also knows that she mind end up not finishing the potion at all if she doesn't.

"What was that?" he asks distractedly and, admittedly, a little hurt.

"I — well, I was wondering if you could help me a little with this," she says carefully, noticing the sharp tone in his voice. He has never spoken to her like this, even though she's been anything but nice to him over the past year. "After all, we're _both_ getting graded for this."

"Oh. Yeah, sure," he mumbles quietly, and leans over to read her textbook. He then takes out his wand and points at the dittany leaves, mumbling something Lily can't quite understand. And, before she realizes it, they've turned into a ginger tone that perfectly matches her hair — and she can't help but realize that she's fully aware that, under normal circumstances, James would have noted such similarity with a lopsided smile and crinkles around his lips. But instead, he just continues reading and working on the potion, and for a moment Lily does feel slightly guilty about what she said to him earlier.

"James?" she almost feels surprised when she finds herself spluttering his name.

"Hm?" his answer is quiet and absent-minded, which surprises Lily even more — James is usually everything but shy when addressing her.

"I — well, I might have crossed a line. I'm sorry I said that about your parents," she manages to say, her lips still slightly pursed and her eyes observing the boy with a certain degree of concern that she had never felt for him before. "I'm sure they're really nice folks, I just — "

"No, it's all right," he shrugs, rubbing his left eye absentmindedly as he chops a reddish herb that neither of them has quite identified yet. "I just — well, I'm not Balthasar Nott or, I don't know, Rabastan Lestrange. They call us names too, you know. _They_ are the real spoiled brats. Me and Sirius — "

James struggles to find the adequate word. In a few years he might look back to this very moment, when he shared his first serious conversation with Lily — which will become a very common thing between both of them in a few years' time — and think, feeling a slight sense of embarrassment, that what he intends to say, deep down, is that he and Sirius are just _children_. But he isn't fully aware of that just yet, and instead he just shrugs and ducks his head yet again, squinting at the herb under his hand.

He almost smiles when he feels Lily's hand on his elbow a few seconds later.

"Well, I guess we should at least be civil, for Slughorn's sake," she whispers cautiously, leaning over to help him with the chopping. "Just — just don't be a prick for an hour, three times a week. All right? Can you do that?"

James grins, one of those toothy, gleeful grins that Lily will grow to love. "I think I can manage."

The girl smiles politely, and then she goes back to reading the Potions textbook. James, bemused, glances at Sirius, who gives him a thumbs-up, whereas Remus just smirks and nods his head in approval. Although they're only twelve, they can already tell how fond their friend is of his new Potions partner. James's undivided attention towards her hasn't passed unnoticed to his three closest friends — and although it's still a childish, sort of friendly affection, the three of them can also sense a budding, deeper feeling growing beneath James's curious interest in her.

"Who knows," Remus whispers thoughtfully. "Perhaps they'll end up being Exploding Snap partners too, after all."

"Well, I'm not sure about that," chuckles Sirius in response. "I feel like Evans is still going to give him one hell of a time."

The two boys laugh softly. What neither of them knows yet is how right they will both wind up being. Eventually, of course — for now, James and Lily are going to spend one hour, three times a week together, and that feels like more than enough to the twelve-year-old boy.

* * *

 **so that was chapter two! hope you enjoyed it, please let me know what you think and yaddah yaddah yaddah. i know that there isn't a lot going on just yet, but i'm a sucker for introspective writing and all that jazz. so yeah, chapter three should be up sometime soon!**

 **-cluelessclown.**


	3. 1973

**october 28th, 1973**

 _so if you're lonely  
you know i'm here waiting for you_  
 _i'm just a cross hair_  
 _i'm just a shot away from you_  
 _and if you leave here_  
 _you leave me broken, shattered, i lie_  
 _i'm just a cross hair_  
 _i'm just a shot, then we can die_

take me out - franz ferdinand

* * *

Lily Evans has always been a pragmatic, straightforward young woman, whose values and ideals have always been put before anything else. She's accepting of everyone's sexual orientation, would never discriminate anyone for their gender, race, religion or blood status, and most certainly would _never_ use violence against someone else. She is what Muggles would call a firm pacifist — no hexing, no charming, no trying to harm other people no matter what they've done to her before. She despises people who think hurting others physically is the easiest way out of their problems, and she is strongly against dueling with combative purposes and using serious spells and charms against other people unless the situation absolutely requires it.

However, she _is_ beginning to feel slightly murderous tendencies whenever James Potter asks her if she's going to be his Hogsmeade date this weekend.

The third years have been looking forward to their first Hogsmeade weekend ever since the school year began. Some of the children have already been there on several occasions, but others — particularly Muggle-borns — have only ever gotten a slight glimpse of the village while aboard the Hogwarts Express, and have heard all sorts of stories from their friends who have grown up in Wizarding families. Marlene McKinnon, for instance, has been going on about how delicious everything looks at Honeydukes ever since Professor McGonagall came to pick up their permission forms, and how they most definitely should go take a look at the Shrieking Shack because her parents have never allowed her nowhere near it before. Mary and Lily listen curiously, thrilled looks on their faces, and the latter can't help but think of how amazing it would be if she mailed her big sister a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans — or even a Chocolate Frog! However, she does feel like Petunia would just scold her when she got home for Christmas. She and her older sister have never been exactly close, for Petunia was a rather distant sibling growing up in spite of the relatively small age difference, and the situation became even more nuanced when their parents found out about Lily's powers and they suddenly became the only thing they talked about whenever she came home from school. Lily knows that Petunia feels a little left out, and also perhaps even jealous of Lily's condition — after all, why did she have to be the magical one? Why couldn't Petunia be the one who made their mother's pottery fly around the room and get herself sent to a magical boarding school? She really does feel bad for her older sister sometimes, but she still wishes she would be more receptive about what is slowly becoming Lily's new world — she wants to share it with her, to send her things that her Sixth Form friends would never even dream of, show her her wand and everything she has learned to do with it over the past three years. But alas, she cannot. Her relationship with Petunia is a heavily strained one, and she can't help but feel like they are bound to grow even more distant as the years go by.

"Hey, Mary," she muses as the two girls make their way to the village, wearing their most comfortable clothes and their prettiest coats — after all, Hogsmeade weekends are also one of the few chances the children get to wear their own clothes instead of their school uniforms. Lily has chosen a flowery dress her mother bought her last summer and a brown cardigan, along with ballet slippers and a headband that Petunia sent her for her thirteenth birthday, albeit reluctantly. "D'you think I could mail my sister some candy later today? I feel like she'd love it, but I don't know if that would be against the school rules."

"Oh, sure, I don't think Professor Dumbledore's gonna make a fuss over us sending a couple of presents to our families," Mary says sweetly. She's aware of her friend's difficult relationship with her older sister, but Mary's good nature makes her believe that Petunia will eventually grow used to her sister's new reality. "I'm sending my little brothers a couple of things, too. I bet they're gonna love those Mice Pops that Emmeline has been going on about!"

"Yeah, I bet they will," Lily smiles kindly, and she can't help but let out a small sigh as they join their other friends. Dorcas and Marlene have already planned out an entire day of fun for the four of them, whereas Emmeline is going on a _date_ with a fourth year Hufflepuff that she started hanging out with towards the end of the previous year — Lily hasn't still quite gotten to the dating phase yet, but she smiles broadly when she notices how thrilled her friend looks. Some of their classmates have begun dating each other already, and a few girls seem to be pining for the most popular boys in their year — and, of course, the Marauders, as they began calling themselves the previous year, are a rather popular choice amongst prepubescent thirteen-year-old girls. And boys, for that matter.

That is precisely why Lily can't help but huff when the four boys catch up with them, surrounded by a group of five or six girls gibbering happily about James's _excellent_ Quidditch skills. He isn't the lanky, tiny boy Lily had first met back in their first year — he has grown quite a bit over the summer, and his face is now thinner and his complexion visibly stronger. His jet-black hair is still visibly unkempt, and his eyes sort of squint whenever he tries to spot something that is over a few inches away from him — Lily feels as though he might need glasses, but it's not like she's going to let him know her medical opinion on his eyesight anytime soon — but she _does_ have to admit that she can understand why those girls find him attractive. Sirius, slightly taller and more stylish than his best friend, is also one of the girls' favourite boys in their year — there is something really charming about him, whether it be the black hair that he is beginning to let grow up to the nape of his neck or the way his jokes make the entire Great Hall light up. Remus, on the other hand, has become the tallest of the gang — lanky, shy and perpetually tired, Lily can understand why some girls would fall for his timid smiles and quiet manners, although he isn't one to be seen fooling around with girls, unlike his two best friends. Peter, short and slightly chubby, sometimes looks slightly out of place in the group, but Lily knows that the other three love him like a brother, even if he's the one who tends to pass more unnoticed.

"Oi, McKinnon!" yells Sirius, a half-smile on his face. "Got any plans for today?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," Marlene replies, shaking her head with an amused expression as she links arms with both Dorcas and Lily. "I'm going to spend the day with these three marvelous friends of mine, as I expect you to do with your little Marauders."

"Aw, well," the boy clicks his tongue and winks his eye at Marlene. "Just let me know if you feel like getting some Butterbeer, all right?"

Marlene chuckles softly and Lily can't help but roll her eyes. This bickering has been going on between her and Sirius for quite a few months now — and unlike Lily, who has always been adamant about her thoughts on James Potter, the girl hasn't quite been able to decipher how her friend feels about the Black boy and his never-ending teasing. She does feel like it would be foolish of Marlene to fall for someone like Sirius, though — after all, he _has_ earned himself quite a reputation around the school, and it's definitely not one that Lily would like to be associated with.

"So I'm assuming you're rejecting my offer yet again, aren't you, Evans?" James asks, in a rather cheeky tone. Unlike his best friend, he steps slightly closer to the redhead and smiles. "Such a shame. You'd have the time of your life, hanging out with us."

"Oh, I _bet_ I would." Lily's nose wrinkles in disgust. "I'd rather go on a date with, I don't know, Filch. Just so you know."

"Ouch, Evans," James chuckles, which only makes Lily feel even more annoyed. "All right, I'll take that as a no. I want to spend some time with my friends too anyway, so it's all good. Next time, perhaps?"

"I don't think so," Lily says sharply.

James's smirk has not quite worn off yet, but she notices how his brow furrows at something — or someone — behind her. Sirius's expression has grown slightly annoyed too, and Remus and Peter just share a look and huff quietly. Lily glances over her shoulder and notices the source of the four boys' discomfort — her friend Severus, looking as somber as usually and wearing a dark jumper and jet-black trousers, combined with equally dark socks and trainers. His greasy black hair has been slicked back in what looks like the charming equivalent to Muggle hair gel, and his hands are stuck in his trousers' pockets in a rather awkward manner.

"Hey, uh, Lily," he mutters, a smug look on his face as he glances towards Mary and then the four boys behind them. "I was — I was wondering if you've got any plans for today?"

"Oh," Lily's eyebrows rise in surprise. She and Severus were really close back in Cokeworth, but they never really hang out at school anymore. They did for a small amount of time, but he began preferring his fellow Slytherins' company, and she does feel more comfortable around Mary, Emmeline, Dorcas and Marlene. "Well . . . my friends have planned out a few things for us to do, but feel free to tag along if you want to!"

"Yeah, please do," Marlene mutters quietly, only to get elbowed on the ribs by Lily a second later.

"Hey, Snivelly!" James cries before the boy can answer. "Looks like you can't get over Evans here dumping you, eh? I mean, it was only a matter of time, I guess — mind you, I never thought you'd have a _girlfriend_ before any of us did, but Evans? I still can't understand what she saw in you, Snivellus."

"Maybe he just hexed her into liking him," chuckles Sirius amusedly. "You know he and his moronic friends are into the Darks Arts and all that stuff. Say, Snivellus — are you already engaged to your cousin, or are you going to wait until you come of age to confirm the blood purity feast? I genuinely would like to know, as my family would definitely be invited to the event and I would love to wriggle out of it."

"You two should just _sod off_ ," Lily replies angrily, much to the other girls' surprise. "He's my friend. And it's absolutely disgusting that you two should discuss _my_ feelings towards _anyone_ because you don't even _know me_. Even if you feel like you do, Potter." And, even though she is most definitely what Muggles would call a pacifist, she pushes James away from her and glares at him with the angriest expression the boy has seen in a very long time. "And I wouldn't be surprised if Severus ended up dating a girl before any of you dimwitted arseholes did! At least _I_ know I'd never date a bully like you two." She points towards James and Sirius, whose expressions are a combination of confusion and slight embarrassment. She then turns back to Severus and says, in a much kinder tone, "But yes, Sev, feel free to join us. These idiots were already leaving, anyway."

"I — I think I'm just gonna go with the older Slytherins," the boy's brow knits, partially because some of his housemates seem to be snickering at the scene that Lily has just caused, Butterbeers in their hands and everything. "I'll see you around. I guess."

And with that, the boy hurries off towards the other group, leaving Lily both dumbfounded and a little hurt. She has just defended him in front of the entire village, and he hasn't done so much as thanking her in return? A younger Severus would have most definitely hugged her and told her she was the best friend ever — but now she realizes that her relationship with him has also been strained by her entrance in the Wizarding world, and she can't help but feel a little disoriented as Mary pats her shoulder and rubs her back sadly.

"Don't worry, Lily," she says, a sympathetic smile on her face. "He's — a little strange, you know that already."

"A little strange?" Sirius chuckles, his expression a lot more relieved now that Snape is gone. "For Merlin's sake, that boy is a _freak_. Even by Pureblood standards, I mean."

"Do shut up, Black," Lily snaps, shaking her head. She bites her lip and tries to eavesdrop on Severus's conversation with his friends — he mostly remains quiet, but she does feel a painful sense of betrayal when she hears the words _mudblood_ and _blood traitors_ being muttered by his Slytherin friends, whose snickers then muffle the rest of the conversation.

"He's just a little elitist prick," James snorts, shaking his head, and then raises his eyebrows at Lily in a daring gesture. "I really don't understand how can you still hang out with him."

"Says the bully. And the bloody _stalker_ , for that matter," she snaps back, tightening her scarf around her neck. She glances at her friends and tilts her head towards Honeydukes. "Come on, I _really_ want to go now. Please."

"All right," Dorcas sighs quietly, flashing an apologetical smile towards Remus and Peter, who seem to be the only two Marauders who are still feeling a slight sense of embarrassment after what has just happened, even though they have hardly opened their mouthes at all. "See you boys around, I guess."

"See you," Peter mutters for his three friends, rubbing his cheek awkwardly.

And with that, the four girls set foot towards the sweets shop, Lily's brow still furrowed and her eyes focused on the cobblestones under their feet, in an attempt to calm herself down after the incident. She doesn't know if she feels more annoyed by Potter's attitude or by Severus's lack of empathy towards her, but she knows that she doesn't want to dwell on either of them for the remainder of the day. She feels determined to have a good time with her friends, and that's exactly what she's planning to do when James's voice cuts through the cold Hogsmeade air once again.

"Oi, Evans? Just so you know, I'm not a _stalker_. You're not that interesting, anyway."

Lily, remembering what her Muggle friends used to do whenever they felt overwhelmed by a certain situation, just gives him the middle finger and walks away.

* * *

 **ohhh the drama. will these two ever get along? we'll see. i don't have much to say — hope you enjoyed this chapter, please let me know what you think!**

 **-cluelessclown.**


	4. 1974

**october 28th, 1974**

 _and pulse to pulse, now shush  
_ _she makes the sound,  
the sound the sea makes  
to calm me down_

dissolve me - alt-j

* * *

Lily has always been fond of Remus Lupin. He is a sensible, sweet boy who shares very little social traits with his two best friends, which means a great deal to Lily, who still regards James Potter and Sirius Black as the most obnoxious boys in their year and, very possibly, in the entire castle. He loves reading, scores top marks in nearly every single subject and, most importantly, is always willing to share a decent conversation with her. They were Transfigurations partners in their first year, deskmates over most of their third year, and now they have been partnered up by Madam Pomfrey to work on their latest Herbology assignment together. Lily feels more than relieved — she could have been paired up with one of her friends or a Ravenclaw, sure, but she has been dreading the idea of having to work with James Potter again after having spent their second year dealing with his mannerisms and rather childish attitude in Potions three times a week. Remus is a more attentive boy, not to mention smarter and more resourceful — at least in Lily's opinion — and he is bound to make a brilliant partner.

And that is exactly why she feels a little disappointed when he does not show up to their first study session together.

"I'm sure something must've happened to him," Emmeline says sympathetically when Lily explains, in a slightly hurt tone, what has just happened. "I mean, it's _Remus_ we're talking about. He's just about the nicest guy in the Gryffindor tower."

"Yeah, maybe he was held back by Professor Slughorn or something," Dorcas adds, shrugging. "You should just talk to him over dinner, then reschedule. Perhaps he wasn't feeling well? You know he's allowed to skip class because of that weird pox he had when he was little."

Lily nods thoughtfully. Remus _does_ skip classes every now and then — he has always been a rather sickly boy, and he _had_ skipped Defense Against the Dark Arts the previous day because he wasn't feeling too well, as Peter explained to the girls in a rather confidential tone. She resolves to follow her friend's advice and ask him what happened over dinner, but she still can't help but feel a little disappointed about the whole thing.

However, much to her surprise, Remus doesn't show up for dinner either — and neither do the rest of the Marauders, which makes her think that the four boys are just off in one of their shenanigans. They're very possibly the most popular boys in the castle, after all — everyone knows of them and their tendency to pull pranks on Slytherins, as well as their loud attitudes and little respect for rules. Which, of course, unnerves Lily to no end. She can't stand the idea of people praising and encouraging their sense of superiority and their constant _bullying_ of certain students, among which Severus is still their main target. Lily still hangs out with him every now and then and, in spite of being wary of the way her friend talks about Muggle-borns and his Slytherin friends, she really can't understand why James Potter has such a fixation on the poor boy.

"Well, that _is_ sort of strange," Mary notes, furrowing her brow. "Why would they skip dinner?"

"Merlin knows," Lily sighs, shrugging her shoulders. "I'll just talk to him tomorrow, I guess. As long as Potter and Black aren't around, of course."

"I really don't think they're _that_ terrible, Lily," replies Marlene as she helps herself to some pudding. "I mean, sure, they're a little immature, but that's how most fourteen-year-old boys act. Especially around the girls they fancy."

Lily frowns. "What do you mean, around the girls they _fancy_? Remus doesn't _fancy_ me, we're just good friends."

"Well, I meant James, but — "

" _Potter_?" Lily's eyebrows rise in surprise. "What in Merlin's name are you talking about, Marlene. He doesn't fancy me, he's just a show off and a bully. But yes, he and Black most definitely _are_ the most immature fourteen-year-olds that I've ever come across."

"Come on, Lily, it's obvious that he likes you," Dorcas sighs. "I mean — he's been asking you out for ages now!"

"That's just him being childish," Lily counters. "I bet those four have some sort of bet going on. You know how he is, Dorcas — he's already dated like, three different girls this year. He might like me in a superficial way, but he can't fancy me in a, let's say, serious way. He just isn't that _deep_."

"Well, I for one think that you're still misjudging him," insists Marlene, shrugging. "I could be wrong, but I guess they'll grow out of their current attitude eventually. And they _are_ quite handsome and exceptionally good at charms and spells, you know."

Lily just snorts and stuffs more cheesecake into her mouth, feeling slightly annoyed by the conversation. Why are her friends so defensive of Potter and Black, anyway? She knows that Marlene has never quite disliked them — and even might fancy Sirius a little, from Lily's point of view — but she doesn't understand why the other three feel so adamant about changing her mind about James Potter. She just doesn't _like_ him, and feels like she never will. She cares for Remus, and has found Peter's jokes funny a couple of times, but that's it. And that is why she resolves not to give the four boys much more thought and simply enjoy her dinner.

"At least I hope they haven't brainwashed Remus into acting like a prick, too," she mumbles as she fidgets with the remains of her cheesecake, a frown still dangling around her eyebrows.

* * *

She's snuggling in the Gryffindor common room with her favourite book, Jane Austen's _Emma_ , when the last couple of students who have been working on essays or chatting amiably decide to call it a day and go upstairs to their dormitories. Her friends must already be fast asleep, but she doesn't quite feel like going to bed just yet — besides, she's immensely enjoying re-reading every single one of Emma Woodhouse's hilarious shenanigans, smiling fondly whenever Mr. Knightley and the girl share a scene. Lily Evans has always found a great comfort in reading books, particularly Muggle novels — she has learned to love everything in the Wizarding world, but she still prefers Muggle authors and their seemingly deeper knowledge of the human soul.

She's still grinning after re-reading one of Emma's wittiest interventions in the entire novel when the entrance door slams open with a loud _thud_.

She turns around, her eyes wide and her expression suddenly anxious, when she notices three tall figures and a slightly shorter one making their way to the sofa, one of them looking visibly exhausted. She bites her lip when she realizes that they're none other than the Marauders — Remus, his face bloodied and somewhat bruised, limps his way through the common room silently, while James and Sirius, both looking exhausted and visibly disheveled, follow him with a concerned look on their faces. Peter, behind them, is holding his wand and gazing over his shoulder in a protective manner. Lily remains quiet and observes the boys until Remus slumps onto the couch and his eyes go wide when he realizes she has been watching them all along.

" _Lily?_ " he splutters nervously. "What — why — "

"Bloody hell, nobody was supposed to be here, Peter!" Sirius reproaches in an angry tone, placing a hand on Remus's shoulder. "I — let's just let him get some rest."

"S'not my fault that she stayed here past midnight, for Merlin's sake!" Peter frowns at Sirius and pockets his wand, glaring at Lily a few moments later.

James glances at her awkwardly, then pats Remus's head lightly. "You all right, mate? You gave us quite a fright down there — didn't think it would take you so long to come back to your senses this time." His lips purse, unsure of how to phrase his thoughts in Lily's presence.

The girl just stares at the scene in front of her and, once the four boys decide to fall silent. "Uh, all right — what on Earth is going on here? What's happened to Remus? Is he all right?"

Sirius snorts and rubs off some dry blood from his cheek. "He's fine, he's going to be fine. Just — go to bed, for Merlin's sake."

"Do you _seriously_ think I'm going to listen to you, Black?" she retorts and, subsequently, leans forward and crouches by Remus's side, taking his hand worriedly. "Remus? You all right? What happened?"

"I — Lily, just go to bed, please," he whispers, his gaze still lowered. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it to our study session. I'll — I'll make it up to you, I promise. Does Wednesday after Charms suit you?"

Lily lets out a vague chuckle, and shakes her head. "Don't worry about that now, Remus. But please — I _need_ to know what's happened. Who hurt you?" She places a hand on the boy's cheek and she swears she can hear James snort from above them. "Please, Remus. Tell me. I could help you. Why have you been skipping class, why do you look so badly injured now that you're back?"

"'Cause he's a bloody werewolf, that's why." James and Peter stare at Sirius in sheer surprise, while Remus raises his gaze and then ducks his head again, letting go of Lily's hand quickly. Sirius just shrugs and crosses his arms in a defensive way. "What? She wasn't gonna leave until we told her, so now she knows. Now she _fucking_ knows, and we've ruined Remus's chances at having a normal school life."

Lily's lips purse, first in an incredulous way, then because of Sirius's words. She squeezes Remus's hand yet again and then glares at the other boy. "Do you _seriously_ think I'd go around letting everyone in school know about something — something this serious? Remus might be your friend, but he's mine too. And I would never, ever do such a thing — mind you, I wouldn't dream of doing so even if it was you or Potter, in case you want to act less smug about it." She then turns her gaze back to Remus and tries to offer him the kindest smile she can muster in such a situation. "Don't worry, all right? You're safe. We're all going to try our best to help you, and I promise I won't tell a soul. Just — just let me know when you're feeling unwell so that I can help you out with your essays and assignments, all right? A brilliant wizard like you can't let his grades flop because of something like this."

Remus glances at her, and she's surprised to see that he's actually offering her a meek, grateful smile. She hugs the boy — not too tightly, because of his physical state and whatnot — and then stands up again, squeezing his shoulder one last time. Peter looks thoroughly relieved, whereas Sirius's expression tells her that he still doesn't know how to feel about the whole situation. James, on the other hand, smiles warmly at her, and for once she smiles back. She had never thought James Potter would be such a loyal friend — he was very close to the other three boys, sure, but she had never seen him as the kind of fourteen-year-old who is willing to take a bullet for one of his friends. That _does_ say a lot about him, she reckons, even though he's definitely still a prick and an obnoxious toerag. Sort of.

"All right, I think I'm gonna go to bed," Remus mutters finally. "Sirius, Peter, could you — "

"Help you upstairs? Absolutely, Moony," Sirius offers his friend a kind smile, which Lily doesn't think she's ever seen on his face before. "C'mon, let's go."

Remus stands up, smiling kindly at Lily, and then places one arm around Sirius's shoulder and the other one around Peter's. James, arms crossed and his expression thoughtful, smiles and waves the three of them goodnight. Once his three friends are gone, he glances at Lily, who is now watching the crackling fire in the chimney with a thoughtful expression.

"Uh, I think I should go to bed, too," he says quietly. "It's been a long day. And night."

"Yes, me too," she answers. She bites her lip and then whispers, "Potter?"

"Huh?"

"I'm glad you three take such good care of Remus. I mean it."

James smiles, but shrugs his shoulders modestly. "That's what friends are for, I guess."

"Not to such an extent, no," she ponders quietly, shaking her head. And then she smiles, too. "You'll let me know whenever you boys can't make it to class so that I can lend you my notes, all right? I don't want this to be the cause of your school average going down."

"All right, if you insist," the boy looks amused by now. Surprisingly enough, he remains silent for a few seconds, only to add a little later, "So, yes — goodnight, Lily."

"Goodnight, James."

The boy grins and trots happily upstairs. Lily observes him with a more peaceful expression, and then picks up her book and places it under her arm, still slightly worried about Remus and what the Marauders had just revealed to her. She is going to be true to her word, of course — she most definitely won't tell a soul about what has happened, and she will make sure to help the boys out as much as she can. She still can't understand what made James look so thrilled only a few seconds ago, though — and it isn't until she's about to close the door to the fourth year female dormitory when it strikes her.

She's never called James by his first name before.

* * *

 **tadaah. sorry for the massive amount of (platonic) remus/lily there, i just love their friendship so much. so yes – hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you think via review! chapter five should be up soon.**

 **-cluelessclown.**


	5. 1975

**october 28th, 1975**

 _suck it and see, you'll never know_  
 _sit next to me before i go_  
 _jigsaw women with horror movie shoes_  
 _be cruel to me, 'cause i'm a fool for you_

suck it and see - arctic monkeys

* * *

"Have I ever mentioned how much I _loathe_ Herbology?"

"Yes, Lily — as a matter of fact, you have."

She smacks Remus's arm in a friendly manner, and the rest of the group seems to chuckle softly at the fifteen-year-old's observation. She still can't quite believe her friends were able to talk her into joining a study group with the other Gryffindor fifth years, in an attempt to help each other study for their upcoming O.W.L.'s — the most shocking thing about it is, very possibly, how oddly civil James Potter is acting about it. He's still the loud-mouthed, outgoing boy she's always known, but he seems to have learnt how to behave properly in certain situations. Or perhaps it's just his new glasses, which amuse Lily to no end. The boy looked slightly uncomfortable about the idea of wearing them at the beginning of the school year, but he seems to have slowly grown used to them — after all, they have sort of become his very own trademark, and they do give him a rather bookish appearance that Lily somewhat enjoys. And of course, she has to admit that they make him look even _more_ handsome — not that she's going to let him know about it, obviously, but it would be absurd to deny that his messy black hair and his eyes, now framed by perfectly round spectacles, didn't strike her as rather attractive.

"All right, so," Dorcas sighs, chewing on her thumb thoughtfully. "What on Earth is this week's Defense Against the Dark Arts essay supposed to be about? Professor Turner has been going on about all those creatures and odd charms, but I for one can't understand what he wants us to do now."

"Uh . . . I think I can help you out with that one," Mary replies. "I'm a little stuck with History of Magic, though — you haven't brought your notes on the Second Troll War with you, have you?"

"I have," James replies, offering the girl his rather messy scrolls of parchment. "They're not, well, great, but I think you'll manage."

Lily's eyebrows rise, but she refuses to glance up at the boy sitting in front of her. She isn't buying this new responsible attitude of his just yet, but she's glad to see that he's helping her friends out. He has always been an outstanding student, so she gathers he can't be as dimwitted as she thought he was back in their early years at Hogwarts — in fact, he outsmarts her and Remus in a few classes, which the boy seems to enjoy reminding them on a daily basis. Sirius, on the other hand, is still a rather dissolute student — he's a very talented wizard, but also tremendously lazy and prone to spending his free time reading questionable magazines and flirting around.

So yes, Lily _has_ sort of come to terms with co-existing with the Marauders, five years after she first met them. She tries to ignore their more childish remarks and how Sirius and James seem to love being the centre of attention at all times, and even though James's obnoxious date proposals haven't quite ceased the boy has learned to act mildly decently around her, which for now is more than enough. Lily helps them with schoolwork, especially around full moon, and she asks for nothing but respect and some of Remus's chocolate every now and then in return.

The nine Gryffindors leave the library well past curfew, Sirius teasing Emmeline about her latest romantic interest — at the age of fifteen, the girl has probably dated more people than anyone else in the castle, both male _and_ female, which is precisely what intrigues Sirius at the moment — while Peter explains to a rather amused Marlene what happened when he snuck into the kitchens the previous evening. Lily struts quietly next to Dorcas and Remus, who seem to eye each other every now and then in a rather shy manner. Lily doesn't quite know if there's something going on between those two, but she's decided it's better not to pester Remus about it — after all, her fellow Prefect has more than enough on his plate, and she does believe that being keen on someone as kind and empathic as Dorcas might make him think a little less harshly of himself. James, toying with his wand absentmindedly, is a few steps ahead of them, and Lily finds herself trotting up to him in an attempt to let Remus and Dorcas enjoy some privacy.

"Hey, Evans," he offers her a lopsided grin, to which she doesn't reply. Instead, she notes that she has never noticed that he has a dimple on his right cheek, only a few inches under his specks. "I think Sirius has never heard of someone being _bisexual_ before. You know, conservative upbringings and whatnot."

"Ah, yes, I suppose," she shrugs, not quite sure what to make of his small talk. They have only shared a couple real conversations over the past few years, but she is very much aware of the fact that, in spite of loving them like brothers, he immensely enjoys picking on his three best friends in an innocent, perhaps slightly childish way. "I mean, I always figured he would have learned about such things a while ago, since he's already dated pretty much half of the castle." _And he's dated the other half_ , she thinks, glancing at him.

"Well, yeah," James smiles, an amused smile on his face. "But I suppose he's never come across a girl who liked girls too." The boy raises his eyebrows and gives her a funny face. "What about you, Evans? Is that why you still won't go to Hogsmeade with me?"

" _What_ ," she mutters, her eyebrows knitting together. Bloody Potter, he always had to ruin everything, hadn't he? "Uh, Potter, this may come as a surprise to you, but the world doesn't revolve around you. I've dated before, and in case you need to know, I am pretty much sure that I like boys. Not liking _you_ as an individual doesn't imply me not being interested in your gender as a whole."

"All right, all right," he raises his hands defensively, but she still looks deeply annoyed. "I'm just saying — "

"Oh, please, do shut up, Potter," she mumbles, shaking her head. "You're _ridiculous_."

"Oh, yeah?" he answers defensively, his face now turning into a more serious one. "Well, sorry, I totally forgot that you obviously like boys, because you dated that greasy-haired git when we were little. Although I'm not entirely sure if he counts, to be honest."

At this point, Lily simply feels too angry to properly reply to his attack. "Fuck _off_ , Potter. You're just an arsehole."

"Whoa there, what's going on?" asks Mary from behind them, looking concerned. Neither of them has noticed, but their friends' attention had entirely shifted to their conversation, and even Sirius looks a little aghast by what James said a moment before. Remus shakes his head quietly, while Emmeline mumbles something about this being the very reason why she began dating girls in the first place.

"Nothing," Lily says contentedly, looking away from James as the group slipped into the Gryffindor common room. "I think I'm gonna head off to bed. I'm tired of dealing with _wankers_."

"Hey — " James begins, feeling a slight pang of guilt in his chest. "I — I'm sorry, Lily. I didn't mean it that way — I was just joking around . . . "

"Sure," she snorts, and then shakes her head. "You know what? I don't care. Just grow up, for Merlin's sake."

And with that, the girl rushes upstairs, looking half-annoyed, half-disappointed. James just stares at the empty staircase, his fingers rubbing against the bridge of his nose and making his spectacles shift, while Peter clicks his tongue awkwardly as Mary and Emmeline mumble something about going upstairs to check on her. Sirius chuckles amusedly, and Marlene shakes her head and scoffs at him before joining her friends too. Dorcas, sighing quietly, squeezes Remus's hand in a goodbye gesture and then walks upstairs too.

"Well, I don't know about you people, but I feel like that's not the best way to approach the girl you fancy, Prongs," chuckles Petter as he slumps onto the couch.

"Shut up, Wormtail," the boy mumbles, a frown still on his eyebrows and his arms now crossed in disappointment — in himself, mostly. "I mean it, I was just bloody joking. I thought she didn't _hate_ me that much anymore."

"To be fair, she has been acting nicer around you," Remus shrugs, taking a seat next to Peter. "I mean, she has stopped scolding you on a daily basis, and she's even _helped_ you with your essays sometimes. I'm sorry, Prongs, but you just keep messing it all up."

"Yeah, Moony boy has a point there," Sirius nods. "You know how I feel about commitment and all that rubbish, but if you do want Evans to like you . . . well, I think it's gonna take you more than a couple of silly jokes. No offense, you know I for one love silly jokes — they've eased me into a couple of _really_ nice shags, to be honest . . . "

"Padfoot, we really don't need to know _all_ about your sex life, honestly," chuckles Peter, shaking his head. "Plus I feel like Prongs here is in the middle of a crisis, let's be considerate."

"She also said she's _dated_ before. Did you three know about that?" When his friends shakes their heads, James snorts quietly. "I bet she _did_ shag Benjy Fenwick after all. The little prick told me they had only hung out a couple of times."

"What's it to you, anyway?" Remus eyes his friend carefully, almost in a fatherly way. "That's not the point. The point is that you like her, don't you?" James nods miserably. "All right, so here's what you've got to do — man up and start acting decent around her. She's a brilliant witch and a terribly fun person when you get to know her, not just a pretty face. And she's got very straight convictions about everything she believes in from what I can tell, so you're going to need to change her mind about you."

"I _know_ she's not just a pretty face," James snaps back. "I wouldn't bother making an effort if she was just one of those pretty girls, I've already dated a handful of them." He almost huffs, which makes his three friends chuckle. "I swear, I just don't know what to do to make her _like_ me."

"She will, eventually, if you start acting like the sort of boy she likes being around."

"What, you mean a greasy-haired blood elitist? That's bollocks."

"Well, _I_ am a good friend of hers, but thank you very much," Remus shakes his head. "We all know that Snape's a git, but she likes him because they were friends before school and all that. But first and foremost, you should stop teasing her about him. You're not going to change the fact that she likes hanging out with him, and you might as well start finding other ways to catch her attention."

"You could even pick up a _book_ every now and then," Sirius suggests with a smirk. "Who knows? That might be the key to Evans's heart, being one of those nerdy Ravenclaws who spend their days reading novels. Or perhaps a sweet Hufflepuff with a sensibility for Muggle poetry?"

"Sod off, Padfoot," James grumbles. The boy sighs and pushes his spectacles up his nose. "I don't know, I need to figure out what to do. I think I'm going to call it a day for now."

"Yeah, that's probably the best idea," Remus nods and offers his friend a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry, you'll figure it out eventually. She really isn't that hard to please, Prongs."

James nods absentmindedly and mumbles goodnight to his three friends, dragging himself upstairs with a pensive expression. The other three remain seated on the couch, Peter fumbling with the Remembrall his mother had sent him a few weeks ago — it has been a bright red all day, and he can't figure out why — and Remus resting his head on the cushions, his eyes closed and his expression a lot more peaceful than a few seconds ago. Sirius just stares at the fire in a thoughtful manner, wondering when did James take such a deep liking to that Evans girl. Sure, he had been fond of him since their first year, but he had only ever wanted to be friends with her, and now he was suddenly trying to figure out how to _change_ for her. What kind of rubbish was that, anyway? They were fine. The rest of their year adored them, and James could have pretty much any girl in the castle. Why did it have to be bloody Lily Evans, all serious and stuck-up about their jokes and pranks?

"Padfoot?" Remus whispers, his eyes still closed.

"Hm?"

"Do you think James and Lily will end up together?"

The young Black snorts and shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe."

"I told you she was going to give him one hell of a time."

"What?"

"Nevermind."

But, after all, Remus does smile a little. He has a feeling they _will_ end up together, eventually. What he doesn't know yet is that their relationship is bound to get even tenser before either of them realizes the magnitude of what they feel for each other — but for now, Remus Lupin smiles and thinks about how, for once, he feels like everything will be all right.

* * *

 **ohhh more drama. sorry, i'm a sucker for writing angsty relationships, i'm _that_ tropey b*tch. and yes, i _know_ it's taking forever for them to get together and that most of the chapters so far have very little james/lily interactions — but i promise, we're getting _very_ close to exploring them as a couple, and i think you're gonna _hate_ me when we get there because i'm a sucker for writing fluffy scenes. until then, well, hope you enjoyed this chapter and please let me know your thoughts, ideas, opinions, dreams, ambitions, interests or family relationships via review!**

 **-cluelessclown.**


	6. 1976

**october 28th, 1976**

 _oh well, i don't mind if you don't mind  
'cause i don't shine if you don't shine  
before you go, can you read my mind?_

read my mind - the killers

* * *

James can almost hear his heart breaking when Remus tells him the reason why Lily has skipped breakfast, dinner, and all of their classes today.

He has been looking for her all day. Not because he wants to ask her out like he used to do on a daily basis when they were younger, and definitely not because he wants to brag about how he has recently pranked a group of snobbish Slytherins into the Room of Requirement and left them stuck there, the room full of harmless but dreary-looking snakes. No, he doesn't take much pride in his practical jokes anymore — he still enjoys wreaking havoc in the castle with his three best friends, but he usually tries to behave around Lily, especially after what happened the previous spring . . . with him teasing Snape and causing him to call her a mudblood, which subsequently led to Lily ending her friendship with Snape. She has been acting extremely hostile around James ever since, and although they've been sort of ignoring each other for the first few months of their sixth year, James feels like he _needs_ to talk to her. He doesn't care if she huffs at him, if she scolds him, if she doesn't bother so much as glancing at him. He wishes he could just walk up to her and chat like Remus did when they talked about her day and the book she was currently reading and how impossibly tough their latest Defense Against the Dark Arts assignment was. But he can't, and that's why he's been practicing various way of striking up a conversation with the girl over the past few days.

And now, of course, he feels like a bloody prick.

"She had been sick for a few months, apparently," Remus muses. "Got the results before Lily got home from school last summer, and saw there was very little to do about it, so they just kept it from her over the holidays. They wanted to spare her the long-term grieving, I guess."

James gapes at his friend, feeling his throat tighten. He can't possibly fathom how Lily must feel right now — all that he can think of is how he would have reacted if his family had kept him in the dark about his mother suffering from a terminal illness. "How — who told you, Moony?"

"Dorcas, over breakfast," Remus sighs. "Apparently Dumbledore received a Muggle phone call over the night from Lily's father and talked to her for a bit, but she's bound to stay at school until the funeral, because her father felt like she'd be better off here for the first couple of days. I tried talking to her earlier today, but she's been stuck in her room all day. The girls told me they tried to get her to eat something a while ago, but she refused. And now she's gone and nowhere to be found and well, I just hope she's all right."

James purses his lips in great concern. Words couldn't possibly describe the pain he is feeling at the moment — he never thought someone else's grief would have such an impact on him, not even if it came from his closest friends. He had worried over Sirius's rows with his parents, he had dreaded full moon for years now and how Remus would just beat himself up because of them, and he felt just as hurt as Peter did when someone tried to call him names because of his appearance or his performance at school. But this? This was entirely new to James Potter.

"I . . . I think I'd better go," he mumbles quietly, still unsure of what to say.

"Hey, Prongs," Sirius says with a concerned expression. "I hate to be that prick but . . . her friends haven't found her, so you probably won't, either. And besides, I think it's best if you just left her alone for now, don't you think?"

James feels slightly taken aback by his best friend's words, which only make him feel worse about the whole situation. After a pause, he shrugs and pockets his wand carefully. "I don't know, Padfoot. All I know is that it doesn't feel right for me to stay here doing nothing."

Sirius's forehead creases, very possibly because he's never seen his best friend act like this in over six years. But in the end, he just shrugs and nods quietly, as though letting him know that he supports his decision. James offers him and Remus a faint smile, and then whirls around. He has no time to waste, and he _really_ needs to find Lily before she leaves.

* * *

He wanders around the castle for over half an hour until he hears a choked sob coming from the staircase leading to the Astronomy tower. His eyebrows rise and, even though he takes a peek upstairs, he can't see anyone just yet. The sobs begin to sound closer with every step he takes, so in the end he winds up feeling the cold autumn night breeze in his face as he opens the door to the Astronomy tower. And there she is — her skin paler than ever, tears glistening on her cheeks against her freckles and her wild red hair covering half of her face in an attempt to shut herself from the outside world. She's holding a crumpled photograph in her hand, and she looks as though she hasn't eaten a bite in over a day — which, James gathers, was around the last time she had a full meal at the Great Hall. He feels how his chest tightens upon seeing her in such a broken, raw state, and briefly wonders if he shouldn't have just stayed put and let her mourn her mother's death on her own or, at any rate, with the sole support of her closest friends. She didn't even _like_ him, after all — what if she didn't want to see him? What if his presence only made things worse?

"J-James?"

The boy gulps. She seldom calls him by his first name, so he decides to take it as a positive sign. "Hey. I — may I take a seat?" The girl nods quietly and he slumps next to her, bringing his knees to his chest and adjusting his specks before looking at her. "I'm sorry. You don't deserve this. Not now."

" _She_ didn't deserve it," she mumbles quietly, burying her face in her knees. She seems to have forgotten that they aren't really on speaking terms, or that she hasn't enjoyed being around him ever since they first met, because she just keeps talking as her lower lip trembles lightly. "She was the most — oh, James, she was the boldest human being I have ever come across. No one in the entire Wizarding world would be a match to her, and now she's gone." She bites her lip and digs her nails into her palms, which makes James's lips twitch in a disheartened way. "I wish it had been me. Petunia doesn't care for me that much, but she loves Mum. She — she must feel devastated. And Dad . . . oh, Dad, he loves her so _much_."

"Hey, hey," in what feels like a natural gesture, James places his arm around the girl's shoulders and squeezes them tightly. "Don't say that. You've got your whole life ahead of you, your Mum wouldn't want you to say such things." She looks at him miserably, and James wishes he could wipe the tears of her cheeks and kiss her and tell her everything would be fine, but instead he just gives her shoulders another gentle squeeze. "You've got to live your life to the fullest so that she can be proud of you, all right?"

The girl nods quietly, making an effort to keep her voice even. "I just wish they'd told me, though. I spent last summer acting like a little child, when I could have helped her out and comforted my family, and — I don't know, just _be with her_." She croaks, tears welling up in her eyes again.

"I bet you would have forced her into reading all of that Jeanne Austria's books." James offers her a kind smile, to which the girl replies with a small snort, accompanied by the tears that have prickled out of her eyes because of the gesture.

"Jane Austen," she corrects him softly, shaking her head. "She had already read them all, actually. Most of the books I've brought to school over the past few years were hers. She — she was an English teacher at my Muggle school, and reading was very possibly her favourite thing on Earth."

"She sounds like someone worth getting to know, then," he replies, still trying to comfort her by rubbing his thumb against her shoulder. "In spite of, you know, having raised the devilish human being that you are. But it all sort of evens out, I guess."

Lily even giggles this time. She rubs her eye and looks at him again, and he tries offering her his best smile. To his surprise, it seems to work, at least to an extent — the girl looks slightly sobered up, and he almost feels shocked when she wraps her arms around his neck and hugs him tightly.

"Thank you," she whispers quietly, and James can't help but hug her back and feel a happy twinge in his stomach in spite of the situation. When she pulls away, he feels relieved to see that she doesn't look as miserable as she did when he first arrived, even if he knows that it's going to take a lot of time for the scar that her mother's absence has left her to heal.

"Hey, I just remembered something!" His eyebrows rise in a rather enthusiastic way, and the girl watches him quizzically as he fishes for something his pocket and then hands her a Bertie Bott's All Flavoured Beans box only a few seconds later. "Thought you might be a little hungry. I know it's not much, but I've got chocolate and more sweets back in my dorm — "

"It's enough for now, really," she smiles with her eyes, those bright green orbs that fascinate James to no end, and the boy's lips curl up in a wholehearted grin. "Thank you, James."

"You're welcome, Lily."

The girl leans against his side ever so lightly and rests her head on his shoulder, and James keeps rubbing her shoulder with his thumb as the girl munches the first All-Flavoured Bean and her nose crinkles in disgust. "Ew, earwax."

"Ah! Better luck next time," he chuckles softly, then smiles when the girl pops the second one into her mouth and looks a lot more satisfied with its flavour. He then glances up at the sky and wonders if they will go back to not speaking to each other once the girl comes back to school, and if she will still think of him as the conceited, arrogant boy she has always regarded him as. He hopes she doesn't — but even if she does, he still feels glad he could help her feel a little better today, if only for a few minutes while sitting together under a starry sky and the castle's breathtaking views of the Scottish Highlands.

"Lily?" he muses distractedly. When the girl doesn't reply, he glances down at her and smiles.

She's fallen asleep.

* * *

 **aweeee. babies being genuinely nice to each other for the first time! that's it for now — hope you people enjoyed it, you know how it goes . . . please let me know how you feel about the story thus far via review! the following chapter should be up sometime soon.**

 **-cluelessclown.**


	7. 1977

**october 28th, 1977**

 _and nothing matters when we're dancing_  
 _in tat or tatters you're entrancing_  
 _be we in paris or in lansing_  
 _nothing matters when we're dancing_

nothing matters when we're dancing - the magnetic fields

* * *

 _Lily Evans, stop acting like a bloody_ wanker.

She bites her lip thoughtfully as she takes a look outside her bedroom. The Heads Dorm common room appears to be empty, and she sighs in relief at the prospect of not having to bump into a half-naked James Potter returning from his morning shower or striking up a conversation with him as they both get ready for breakfast. She has grown quite used to chatting with him, mind you — in fact, she feels as though she could talk to him forever, but that's beside the point — but she feels like she needs to spend a little time away from him to get her mind settled on . . . certain matters that have been making her act like a hormonal fourteen-year-old when she's nearly eighteen.

The truth is, to put it simply, that Lily Evans has found herself falling for James Potter. She doesn't really know how it began — when she came back to school after her mother's funeral, the boy had offered to lend her his notes on the classes she had missed and to help her catch up, and they wound up realizing that they made a fairly decent study team, so what was intended to last for only a couple of days stretched onto the rest of the school year, and as the weeks flew by Lily began to realize that there was much, much more to James Potter than she had ever thought. Her aloofness became warmness, her scolds became light jokes and friendly slaps on his arm when he got too cheeky, and the gaping hole that had been left in her heart by Severus's absence was soon filled with a friendship that, in addition, made her feel a strange twinge in her stomach whenever he leaned against her in the Gryffindor common room, half asleep, or when he returned one of the book she had begun to lend him and asked for her opinion on it; she loved how his eyebrows knitted in attention, as though she and her unprofessional thoughts on her favourite books were the only thing that mattered at that very moment. He wrote to her over the summer, and she replied as soon as possible, and whenever she was feeling upset about the bleak atmosphere that surrounded her house she would just read one of his quirky anecdotes about his father's latest hobby and chuckle herself to sleep. Which, she discovered, felt way better than crying.

And then they had been appointed Head Boy and Girl, and they began to spend nearly every hour of the day together, between classes, patrolling and studying in their private common room, and that was all it took for Lily to realize that she was completely and utterly smitten with James Potter.

She doesn't really have anything planned for today. Saturdays are usually quiet days around the school lately — nearly everyone stays inside, obediently doing their homework and peering through the window every now and then, morbidly imagining what would happen if a group of Death Eaters were to Apparate at the school's entrance. Most of her friends try to go about their day as they usually would, but it breaks her heart to see that some first-year students walk around the castle with frightened expressions — she remembers her first year at Hogwarts, full of thrills and wonderful discoveries, and she feels terrible for all those Muggle-born children who seem to wish they had never learned about the Wizarding world in the first place.

As for James and her, they usually just sleep in and have breakfast in their common room — kindly supplied by James's frequent visits to the kitchen, where the house elves seem to find his charms irresistible and therefore always have plenty of teabags and shortbread fingers for him to take back to their dormitory — and eventually bump into each other. Lily is usually the first one to get to work; she has always been a morning person, whereas he never reaches his full potential until the sun goes down. They usually just spend the morning there, working on their schoolwork, reading or chatting, and then go downstairs for lunch with their friends. Saturday mornings have become sort of their private thing, and in a way, Lily loves it.

"Morning, Evans."

 _Bloody hell_.

Lily offers James a smile as the boy makes his way to the common room, still in his pyjamas and with his glasses in his hand, rubbing his left eye sleepily. Early morning James is definitely her favourite James: she is able to take a few moments to admire him before he fully comes to his senses and helps himself to some breakfast, and there is something undoubtedly attractive about seeing him in that old Puddlemere United t-shirt and slacks. Plus, she thinks with a faint blush to her cheeks, there is something tremendously _sexy_ about the way he runs his fingers through his hair and smiles at her before placing his specks on top of his nose.

"You gotten any breakfast yet, Lils?" he asks, muffling a yawn with the back of his hand as he helps himself to some tea and biscuits. The boy has taken a liking to calling her by that nickname, and Lily feels like there certainly is something endearing about it.

"Yeah, I ate the remains of what I bought at Honeydukes the other weekend," she confesses, a naughty smile on her face.

James, feigning disappointment, shakes his head as he dips his teabag in his mug, after having charmed the water in it into a perfect boiling point. He's always complaining about how the school's tea is absolutely horrid, but he still lives off it anyway. Lily's always been more of a coffee girl, but she still finds it amusing to listen to him go on about all the types of tea that his family keeps in their kitchen. He takes a seat on the couch and places his mug on the table next to it, where a small, worn book was left the previous night. _Emma_ , Lily notes with a smile. She lent it to him a couple of weeks ago and, in spite of the vast amounts of homework they've been having to keep up with, she's delighted to see that he's nearly done with it. James places it on his lap and takes a sip from his mug before cracking the book open. Lily, half-amused, half-engrossed in trying to memorize every single line in his face, takes a seat next to him, a book on her own lap too.

"Got any plans for today?" James muses as he adjusts his glasses and searches for the last page he had read the previous night; Lily loves how seriously he takes every single book that she lends him.

"No, not really," she shrugs, leaning against his shoulder ever so lightly. "I might spend the evening with the girls. Would you mind if they came over for a bit? The Gryffindor common room can get a little overcrowded on weekends."

"Sure, no problem," he nods absentmindedly, because he's already half-engrossed in the paragraph he's reading. "I'll be off with the lads anyway."

" _I'll be off with the lads_. Merlin, James, you're beginning to sound like my Dad." The girl chuckles absentmindedly, to which James simply replies with an amused shrug. And with that, they fall into a very comfortable silence that Lily has also grown used to over the past few months. She glances at James every time he grumbles, chuckles or nods in agreement with Emma's quirks and Knightley's reprimands. A good half hour goes by before neither of them speaks again.

"Ah, so _this_ is your style," James takes another sip from his mug, and Lily feels a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Lifelong friends, endless pining for each other without ever acknowledging their feelings . . . I must admit, Evans, I never thought there'd be such a sappy side to you."

"Sod off, Potter," she mumbles, but she can't help but look amused at the boy's remark. She bites her lip and glances down at her own book, her mother's copy of Dickens's _A Tale of Two Cities_. Her father and sister aren't massive readers, so she guesses they won't mind that she's taken quite a few of her mother's books to school with her. She has always carried around her favourites, but she's now growing attached to all those that she had never gotten to read and that her mother always spoke very fondly of. And Dickens _was_ one of her favourite authors, so he had been at the very top of her to-read least since the school year began. " _I_ for one would spend the rest of my days pining for someone as gallant and wonderful as Mr. Knightley."

"Oh, yeah?" he asks, an amused tone in his voice. "You've nothing in common with this Emma girl, though — aside for your obvious flair for the dramatic."

"Wanker," she snaps, elbowing him with a half-smile. "Are you sure you're not talking about Sirius? _He_ does have quite a flair for the dramatic, let me tell you."

"Yeah, he sort of does," James nods knowingly. "But alas, nobody's perfect. Not even me."

Lily's eyebrows rise in surprise. "Merlin! Has Mr. James Potter, the most self-confident student within the walls of this castle, just described himself as _flawed_? I can't believe my ears! I must be dreaming!"

"Oh, shut up, Evans," he chuckles, although he eventually closes his book and places it on his lap, with a more thoughtful expression. "But yeah, I do have my flaws, I guess."

"What do you mean?" Lily frowns at the change in his tone, and she leans forward with a questioning look on her face. "Well, yes, we all have flaws. That's what makes us human, James."

The boy ducks his head, not quite knowing what to say. He rubs his knuckles with his thumbs and adjusts his glasses — Lily has detected that he always does the same two things when he's nervous — then eyes her carefully. "I mean, all these years — you _did_ have a point, I acted like a prick half of the time. I swear on Merlin's grave, I didn't do it on purpose, but . . . "

Lily feels startled by James's sudden outburst of sincerity. She places a hand on his knee and squeezes it gently. "James, come on, that was ages ago. I should have cut you and Sirius some slack too, to be honest."

"I don't know, Lils," he shrugs, and then lets out a quiet sigh. "I don't know. I've always felt superior to all those Slytherin gits and their blood elitism and all that rubbish — but I've had it _so_ easy, and I've done nothing other than strut around this castle with my friends and complain about how dull half of our subjects were. I've always taken a lot of things for granted, and now, with the way everything's going in the Wizarding world — " His voice falters for a second, and Lily feels the urge to run her fingers through his black hair, but manages to refrain herself from doing so. "I don't know, I just feel like I should be doing _something_. Fuck N.E.W.T.'s, fuck getting a steady job. We need to do something about what's going on — and I've tried to avoid thinking about it for quite a long time, but there's this voice in my head that won't stop telling me that I need to help. I don't want to mourn more premature deaths, I don't want to live in fear. I don't want to keep worrying about Muggle-born first years because some of their classmates might bully them just because of their blood status when they're only fucking eleven." He purses his lips and, in a tender gesture, places his hand atop of hers. "And I don't want to lose _you_ , either."

Lily holds her breath after that last bit. Her throat tightens, and she can only manage a faint whisper, "Me?"

James offers her a sad smile and rubs his thumb against the back of her hand. "I've been telling you since we were eleven, Lils. I've always cared for you, I — I daydreamed about being your friend when we were little, and all I wanted to do was to make you feel impressed about, I don't know, my Quidditch skills or my school grades. Then I wished I had taken you to the Yuletide Ball in our fifth year, then I hoped you'd eventually agree to come with me to Hogsmeade someday, and then — " He shrugs. "Well, here we are. It might not have gone the way I'd planned a couple of years ago, but I'm sure my eleven-year-old self would feel ecstatic if he ever learned I've gotten to hang out with you so much over the past year."

He smiles faintly, and Lily feels like she could live in this moment forever.

"James," she says quietly; tentatively, she places one hand on his cheek and rubs her thumb against it. "You've made what was meant to be the worst year ever into one of the brightest periods of my life. Because you're _light_ , and everything about you made me feel better about what has been going on over the past year. Chatting about Quidditch, my favourite books or how messed up the school's grading system is with you makes me feel _safe_ , and the funniest thing about it is that I don't even know why." She bites her lower lip and, after a pause, she adds, "No, scratch that, I do know why. It's because you've become home to me when my real home was shattered to pieces. And I'll always feel grateful for that."

His hazel eyes meet hers, bright green, and when the boy offers her a half-crooked grin Lily takes it as her cue to kiss him, her fingers threading into his black hair — oh, the times she has daydreamed about finally getting to touch it — and her thumb still rubbing his cheek lovingly.

After a few seconds, she whispers against his lips, "You're a wonderful, brave, intelligent human being, and the most loyal of friends. Don't beat yourself up for things that happened years ago."

"All right, Lils," he breathes. His nose rubs against hers, and he finds himself chuckling before adding, "I'm gonna do that again, if you don't mind."

Lily grins. "I can't see why not, Potter. It was about damn time, you know."

"Oi, Evans," he snorts, placing a strong arm around her. "If it'd been up to me, this would have happened _ages_ ago."

"Just shut up and kiss me, you wanker."

James, of course, happily obliges.

* * *

 **uhhh yeah i'm a ridiculously sappy writer but whatever i grew up reading nineteenth-century novels SO WHAT'S A GIRL GOTTA DO, HUH. anyway, writing this was so much fun! idk if the result is worth it, but i definitely spent a jolly good amount of time thinking about how they should, say, confess their feelings for each other. and since i _do_ have a flair for the dramatic (sorry sirius, ilyt) i settled on writing the angsty-ish scene that you've just finished reading. so yes! hope you liked it, please let me feel validated via review. the following chapter should be up soon!**

 **-cluelessclown.**


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